So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
