Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
