Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
