I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
