i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
