Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
