I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
