Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
