If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
