check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
