i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
