i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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