If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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