She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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