Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
