you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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