He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
