i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
