Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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