Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
