i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
do nipples grow back?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
