dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
