and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
barbara walters just said penis...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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