She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
