you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
