she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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