Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
