So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
