I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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