Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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