the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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