I'm jealous of your bromance
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
