Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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