I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
