Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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