I just saw a hot homeless man
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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