im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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