we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
