I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
