She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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