dude i'm inner monologue high
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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