the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
where am i from again
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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