my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
