apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
