she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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