Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
