So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
