I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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