i think my tv is drunk
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
