Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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