First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
