it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
