of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
