I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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